


Fires of ones own Hatred.

by kuroosimp



Category: Haikyu, Haikyuu!!, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Character Death, Domestic Violence, Gen, Haikyuu - Freeform, HaikyuuOC, OC, Other, Own Character, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroosimp/pseuds/kuroosimp
Summary: Taking place during his second year of high-school, before even attending Shirokami Academy, Atsumu Tokashiro, Murders one of his upperclassmen and leaves another in a coma. He goes to court, but is sentenced only to a month in prison due to his Father’s position. Following his release, he is put on parole for the next 10 months.One afternoon, after his father, the leader of the notorious yakuza family “Shinku no Ōkami”, comes back from a business trip to South Korea, they break out in a huge fight regarding the amount of shame and pressure Atsumu put on him and the family.Atsumu retaliates, and when his father attempts to raise his hand on him, he breaks it, proving that he can no longer be hurt by his father. Atsumu packs his belongings, and leaves the home.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Fires of ones own Hatred.

**Author's Note:**

> ** this is a story about my Haikyuu!! oc, this isn’t canon in any way, and though it does happen in the Haikyuu!! Universe, the universe doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to Haruichi Furudate. **

⠀ ݁ ⠀.⠀ ݁ ⠀. “𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒅." : 

You can try to tame a wild wolf when he is a puppy, you can be there by his side his entire life, but one day he will show you that he is wild. One day he’ll bite back, showing you that you aren’t the one in charge anymore, that he is the rightful leader. You can attempt to tame him, but he will rebel, no matter how much love you show him, no matter how much warmth and comfort you give him, he will rebel against you.

Atsumu’s spirit is tainted by a wild wolf, a wolf that waits, whispering and murmuring into his ear all the things he can do to destroy the people around him. He thinks he is burying the wolf under his skin by keeping in all anger.

But that’s just a happy lie he tells himself.

He doesn’t want to accept that his mental state is slowly drowning in the burning anger and frustration growing inside of him. He wants to pretend that he’s happy and okay, that nothing haunts him in the darkest hours of the night, that the home he goes back to everyday with school ending is truly his home.

He knows he’ll snap one day, that he’s causing himself harm by hiding everything. But he doesn’t care about the future, he doesn’t look forward, but down at his shoes, where he can’t see the future. He doesn’t care if he walks into a wall made of concrete, he hopes to find a field of flowers, but that hope hides deep within, covered and tainted by hatred.

Telling the wolf to shut up, he goes back to playing volleyball, the one thing that truly makes him happy. The exhilarating feeling it gives him to simply stand on the court alongside others. He loves it so much, he’ll set anything aside just to play the sport. It makes him feel in sync with the world, it gives him the feeling of power, the feeling of being worth something.

Oh the things he’d give up just to feel that feeling even when he isn’t playing volleyball—...

“Stop fucking yelling at me you dog!” His older teammate told him.

The raven headed boy whipped his head around towards the setter. The anger was clear in his eyes. 

“Don’t call me a, FUCKING, dog.” He yelled at the other, scowling. He was holding it in. The feeling, of wanting to feel the others warm blood covering his hands, crawled up his spine like an insect, so small yet so uncomfortable.

The two stayed silent for the rest of practice, only uttering words such as “pass!” Or “smash it down!” Every now and then, it was practice after all.

After practice was over, Atsumu volunteered to clean up, as he almost always did. It gave him a good excuse to go home late enough when his family wasn’t awake to insult him or comment on his failures in life. The boy only wanted peace.

He cleaned up the gym, with ticks of his anger coming out every now and then, he was cursing out his older teammate, since the other was around anymore, it was his way of brushing the insect off his back.

— however, he wasn’t alone. Not everyone went home after cleaning duty and locking the gym was decided.

Three of his upperclassmen stayed behind, they waited for him to finish up cleaning. They waited, with cigarettes alight and smoke polluting the air around them, they waited with meaningless words leaving their mouths.

Atsumu finished up with cleaning, he took his time of course though, he liked being in the gym. It was a heaven to him, one that he never wanted to leave. But he knew the rules of the real world, so he locked up and left. He’d normally skateboard his way back home so he dropped his skateboard on the ground, and simply rode off towards the front gate.

He hit something on his way out of the gate, something hit him straight in the chest and made him fall on the ground. He landed on the floor with a heavy thud, small puffs of smoke came up around the place he fell to.

His vision was hazy, whatever it was that made him fall knocked the air out of him. He got up on one of his knees, coughing. 

“What the fuck—“ 

He heard three voices breaking out into laughter. His nose twitched at the smell of cigarette, he knew exactly who it was now. It was the three upperclassmen who hated him most.

“DID YOU SEE THE WAY THE FUCKER FELL AHAHAHA—“ and the laughing just continued, the entire neighbourhood could probably hear them by now, or at least that was what Atsumu felt.

Atsumu snickered and stood up, cleaning the dirt off his knees.

“Very funny.” He said, that burning feeling... it was making him itch all over, he wanted to just... to make them feel pain.

He was about to walk right by them, but he noticed his skateboard wasn’t anywhere to be seen. His eyes quickly started searching for his skateboard, he was hoping it just rolled off into the distance.

“Looking for this, DOG?” The words were just urging him to throw a punch. He was thinking happy thoughts, just get the skateboard back and leave. Don’t do anything to get you in trouble, he thought, but oh that word, it got him on his nerves so badly.

“Give it back.” He said, he wasn’t afraid of them in anyway whatsoever, he was afraid of what he would do if they refused. The wolf’s whispers got louder in his head. His head was starting to pound, it felt like he was rocking back and forth in an endless nightmare. 

“No. What are you gonna do about it? Call your yakuza dad to beat me up?” One of the three upperclassmen said, still laughing their asses off like their was no tomorrow, well... for one of them, there really wouldn’t be a tomorrow to look forward to.

And that was it. Atsumu snapped. The mention of his father shut off any conscious control he had on himself. All those chains he burned into himself to keep the wolf tied down, it all melted away.

The big bad wolf was finally loose.

Atsumu kicked one of the upperclassmen in the crotch, hard enough so that it’d take him a while to get back up. While that upperclassmen fell to his knees in excruciating pain, he grabbed the other two’s head and bashed them into each other, they were too surprised that he was actually fighting back to respond in time. No part of him was telling him to stop. He loved this. It was more exhilarating than volleyball.

Each one was stunned, none could do anything about what was about to happen. Atsumu kicked the upperclassmen who was whining from the earlier pain he received in the face, sending him backwards. With a broken and bloody nose, he tried to get back up. Atsumu jumped on him and started pounding punches into him. One after the other, his fists continued falling hard into the mans face.

The other two had noticed what was happening and pulled Atsumu off of the man, they tried to at least. Atsumu was the strongest between all four of them, he could snap a persons back in half just using his legs, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was overpowering them so easily.

They pulled him off the other senpai, who was barely conscious enough to say anything. They had Atsumu in a position where his arms where behind his back, yeah as if that would get in the way of him causing pain to them. 

“STOP IT MAN—“ one of the two upperclassmen holding Atsumu’s arms was interrupted by Atsumu easily breaking free, he had jumped and gotten his arms over their hold, he turned around and punched one in the stomach, while avoiding the other trying to throw a punch. The one Atsumu had punched in the stomach wobbled back into the wall next to the gate, coughing and holding his stomach. 

Atsumu simply turned his attention to the one in-front of him and grabbed him by his shoulders, pulling him down to do a knee strike. He hit the mans liver area as hard as he could. And afterwards, he lifted the man up by the collar of his shirt, punching him straight in the nose.

He dropped him, and the man simply whined in pain, unable to bear it. He was out of this equation, now Atsumu had to deal with the guy crying about how much his stomache hurts. Atsumu moves towards him, and the man simply slid down the wall, fearing that Atsumu would do any worse, though he was right to fear so. The man held his arms up infront of his face. 

“Stop! Please! I beg you!—“ the man was cut off, Atsumu grabbed his wrists, and bent them enough that he broke them, so easily just as though they were twigs. The man cried out in pain. No one could hear them, there weren’t any security guards to patrol the school, and people rarely took strolls around schools at midnight.

Atsumu was grinning the entire time, he loved being able to make people who would regularly insult him feel pain. He wasn’t even conscious of what he was doing, it was simply like a movie playing on a screen in his head. 

He grabbed the man by his hair, and started banging his head into the wall repeatedly. He did it enough times that the man lost consciousness. Once he stopped trying to fight back, Atsumu let go of the mans hair, the man simply dropped to the floor. Though he wasn’t dead, the damage to his head may be fatal.

Atsumu moved on to the main target. The guy still on the floor laying there with a beaten up face. He was really gonna have some fun now. He returned to his previous position, beginning to pound into the mans face with his fists. They were bloody and bruised at this rate, and though they hurt, Atsumu wasn’t gonna stop. His fists fell, climbed back up, and fell again. The cycle repeated for what felt like hours. One of the men managed to run away while Atsumu continued obliterating the upperclassmen face. His breathing became harsh and erratic, his punches started to drop into the mans face slower. 

His fists slowed down, enough to completely stop. 

He was steadying his breathing, staring at the mans broken and bashed face. 

His consciousness fell back into place again, and as his eyes began to widen in shock, tensing up completely his bawled fists relaxed and opened. 

Oh god. What did he do. His fists started shaking, he himself was shaking all over. 

What had he done. He quickly checked the mans pulse, hoping- no, praying that the man would still be alive. His blood ran cold when there was no sign of the man being alive. He tried to perform chest compressions, he muttered cries of “please.”, and “you can’t be dead, start breathing, COME ON”. But it didn’t work, the man was dead. And Atsumu was the one who killed him.

Atsumu slowly got off of the man, shaking and close to tears, he backed away. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck—“ he kept repeating, each “fuck” getting louder than the other. The regret and guilt was crushing him, he didn’t mean to do it. He couldn’t even remember what happened. He looked over to the other man, he yelled out of surprise and hot tears began rolling down his cheeks. 

He quickly got up and checked the other mans pulse, he felt the tiniest bit of relief when he saw the other breathing. Thank god, at least he didn’t commit double murder.

He quickly tried to take his phone out of his pocket, his hands were too unstable and the phone dropped. He bent down and picked it back up, immediately dialling emergency services.

“...” as he waited for them to pick up, his foot repeatedly tapped on the ground, he was just... in a state of shock.

“Emergency services, —“ he cut the woman on the phone off, he was yelling into the phone, the panic and urgency was clear in his voice. 

“Sir please calm down, what is your emergency?” She stated. Atsumu stopped for a second to compose his voice, and continued.

“I need an ambulance at **** road, right in-front of *** high-school. Someone’s d-dead please send one as fast as you can-“ he said, still panicking but doing his best to keep it clear. 

“Understood. An ambulance and a police unit are heading your way, please remain on the phone while they arrive.” The woman said.

“Alright. Thank you.” He said quickly. His skin was on fire, he was itching all over again, not from wanting to rip someone apart, but this time it was from the anxiety and fear that was struck into him. He had done one of the most terrible sins known to man, taking another’s life. That man would never open his eyes again to the sun shining down on him.

It didn’t take the authorities long before they arrived. The moment Atsumu’s eyes caught a glimpse of the flashing blue and red lights, he felt both relief and discomfort. He wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was the one that caused this bloody mess. He wasn’t trying to hide his hands, nothing. He couldn’t think to do anything except stand there, panicking with a million thoughts rushing into his mind.

Two police officers stepped out of their car, and two paramedics rushed out of the ambulance. They were horrified at the scene, but nonetheless one of the police officers approached Atsumu, seeing as he wasn’t running away or attempting to resist interrogation. 

The moment the police officer asked him about what happened, he spit everything out. It all slipped, he didn’t even think first, and of course it came out so simply: he murdered one man, seriously injured another, and let another escape. He wasn’t going to lie. It didn’t matter what happened after this. With the shock of it all, he just couldn’t fabricate any type of lie whatsoever.

He couldn’t blame it on the nonexistent wolf that was sitting, cozied up in his head. They’d call him crazy, they wouldn’t listen to him. A boy underwater, drowning, gasping for air, screaming in vain. They won’t hear him. And if they see the bubbles coming up to the surface, they’ll ignore him. They think he’s the wolf, they see no difference. 

Sometimes Atsumu wonders, is it because there really isn’t a single difference between him, and that monster howling from under his skin?

The police officer handcuffed him and forced him into the backseat of the police car. He went with no hesitation. His head was pounding, regret filling him up like a cup. He rested his head against the back of the front car seat.

“Are you satisfied?” He asked in a hushed voice, speaking to himself.

“Of course not. But the real question is, are you?” The wolf answered back. Laughing his horrid laugh. A laugh that echoed in his mind the entire drive to the police station.

He felt like he was slowly being suffocated, his throat kept closing up whenever he tried to breathe in, just the shock of everything that happened was still having its effect on him. Murder wasn’t something you do, and forget about in a mere ten minutes like it was throwing out the garbage, at least to a human being with emotions. Atsumu wasn’t psychotic, he wasn’t a maniac, he was just ridden with anger and pure hatred.

That anger, it’s like hot coal. You can hold it in your hands, ready to throw at someone else, but your the one who gets hurt in the end. Anger burns you from the inside out, like a never ending flame. Like a cigarette, you’d think you put it out, but it simply continues its work and lights the rest of the forest on fire.

He was drowning in the fires of his own hatred, and no one could hear his agony, his silent cry for help.

Three weeks went by since he murdered his upperclassmen. Three weeks went by since he took someone’s life. Three weeks since he let the wolf under his skin loose.

He would have a court hearing, and though that was mandatory, no matter how it played out, he knew he would be released in almost no time at all. He knew his father wouldn’t let him rot in prison, it would bring even more shame on the family. 

His appointed lawyer saw this case as man slaughter, and that it should be treated as so in court. Who knew what everyone would think of him, they’d seen him as a murderer nonetheless. 

He wasn’t aware at the time, but his father had already paid off the authorities to keep this as an off the grid case. If the public knew, then it would be a shit-show. The Shinku no Ōkami Yakuza would deal with too much heat to even care about getting Atsumu out, and the shame they would have to face... it was best to be kept under wraps.

Atsumu was regret-ridden the entire time he was stuck in the cell they were keeping him. Each night, the memory kept replaying in his head. Every waking moment, he spent thinking about what he’d done, he’d wake up covered from head to toe in cold sweat, shaking all over. His upperclassmen probably had loving parents, he probably had siblings that loved him, he had a family. He’d have to face those people in court too, which was the worst part about going to court at all.

It didn’t matter how you looked at the case, Atsumu was still a murderer, and everyone would be staring at him like he was one. He may have not meant what he did, he may have not been in complete control over what he did, but he was the one that ended up doing it.

The court room went completely silent once Atsumu stepped into the room. He couldn’t even lift his head up to look at anyone, he just couldn’t face them, he couldn’t look any of them in their eyes. He felt nervous, having so many eyes on him. He took his seat next to his lawyer, gulping down hard, his throat felt as barren as a desert.

Everything felt like it was set in slow motion, anxiety and fear sat heavy on his shoulders. Every second he spent inside felt like it was crushing him. The air itself, felt unbelievably heavy and made it hard to breathe. He barely moved in his seat, only his foot tapped and jittered uncontrollably.

After everything came out into the open, it was pronounced as manslaughter. Atsumu was given a month of prison time, and was to be released afterwards on parole for the following 10 months.

He seemed like he had gotten rid of his anger in the night that he killed his upperclassmen, like that was supposed to make all his frustrations wash away. 

“Of course not. But the real question is, are you?” 

That question haunted him for so long, he forgot what it felt like to be rid of worry. The idea of volleyball couldn’t even brighten the hours he spent sitting in his cell. It was as though, he was a ticking time bomb. Soon his timer would run out again, and he’d snap, just like he did that fateful night.

What was worse than being stuck in a jail cell? Being a free man again. He became so self conscious about how other people knew him, it gave him so much anxiety he remained cooped up in his home for countless days. His mother didn’t look at him the same way anymore, it’s as if she lost all the love she had for him, if there was even any to begin with. His brother, Asahi, despised him. His brother Tadashi, well... it was awkward between them, whenever Tadashi saw him it was like he froze up and just got too scared to speak.

His sister was only a child, she didn’t understand what he had done to despise him as the rest of the family did, so she was the only one who treated him normally. Of course his mother and his brothers were very protective of her around him, there was always tension when he was in the room. Atsumu knew this tension would never fade. He didn’t care enough to change that.

But oh, everything really took a turn for the worst when his father came back from a business trip to South Korea.

It was an afternoon, Atsumu had been practicing serves on his own in the courtyard, this was the only hobby he had to keep him going. He could hear the multiple car engines stop in the garage, his father was almost always accompanied by guards and business associates. The rumbling noises of the cars engines dying down didn’t phase him, he was trying not to pay attention, he didn’t want to face his father. Up and over went the ball, dropping to the ground on the other side of the net.

The sliding courtyard door skidded open, just as Atsumu had picked up the volley ball, and there stood the big bad wolf himself, in all his glory. The expression he had on his face... it was one Atsumu would continue to remember for years. He absolutely hated that expression.

“Atsumu. We need to talk. Now.” His father said promptly, not wasting any time in welcoming his son back home, not even seeming somewhat relieved or happy. He turned, and disappeared from view. That was just the natural state of their relationship, nothing but disappointment and hatred for one another.

He knew it wasn’t just gonna be a talk. He heard his fathers tone. It wasn’t the tone he would always use with him when they simply had to talk. His father was beyond angry at him. 

“Tch...” Atsumu’s hand’s gripped the volleyball tightly, before letting the ball simply fall to the floor. His head held high, he walked back into his home, shutting the sliding door.

The room was lively, until Atsumu walked in. It was like the laughter died the moment his foot took a single step into the room. Atsumu’s father was simply sitting at the table in the Center of the room, drinking green tea. His two brothers were sitting at the table as well, while his mother simply played with his sister in one corner of the room. 

“Darling, take Sachiko to her room.” His fathers deep voice voice filled the silent room. Atsumu’s mother didn’t utter a single word, only did as she was told, as she already knew what would happen, and it was best that Sachiko being the child she was didn’t need to hear any of it. The two brothers looked at each other, Tadashi was more so worried about what would happen than Asahi was. 

“You may leave, boys.” Once again Atsumu’s father spoke, completely calm. Tadashi was quick in taking his leave, not sparing a glance at Atsumu. Asahi however, took a very noticeable and direct glance at Atsumu, full of disgust, before doing the same as Tadashi and taking his leave. 

It was just Atsumu and his father now.

He was alone with the wolf himself.

He wanted it to be over and done with already.

“Sit.” His father beckoned.

“I’d rather keep standing.” Atsumu said, crossing his arms with his back leaning against the wall.

“Very well. You haven’t changed a single bit, a month of prison and yet you’ve still not learnt any respect.” His father said, setting his cup of green tea down on the table, lifting his face up to meet with Atsumu’s eyes.

“You don’t deserve my respect. Your even more of an animal than I am—“ He said, before being brashly interrupted by his father getting up from the table hastily.

“Hold your tongue! Or do you want me to cut it out that badly?... I won’t wast anytime in bringing this up, you know what you’ve done, you don’t need me telling you. Do you know how much shame you brought upon us? Do you realise how much shit you made me put up with?” His father said, his red eyes staring directly into Atsumu’s black ones.

“Shame? Are you fucking kidding me? You murder people every single goddamn day, and now your berating me about sending one guy 12 feet into the ground and putting another in a coma? LOOK, I’m not FUCKING proud of what I did. But at least, I’m not like you.” He shouted, his tone defiant and firm.

His father takes a few steps towards him, and Atsumu let’s his arms drop to his sides. The two are almost the same height as each other, so they see eye to eye. Both of their glares are fierce, full of hatred for the other.

... like two wolves, one being the alpha and the other simply a subordinate, staring each other down in a test of who’s spirit is stronger, the alpha on his four paws standing proud waiting for the other to finally yield. The subordinate stands his ground, not bowing down, not even flinching at the others fierce gaze. The subordinate, is breaking out of his label, building the strength to show that he will no longer follow in the shadow of the alpha. 

“You keep testing my patience. Maybe it would put you back in your place if I were to break that patience.” His father said, raising a hand. Atsumu, knowing what was about to come, knew he had to let himself loose just once more.

His father, on the brink of slapping him, feels his wrist being gruesomely twisted, the crunching noise of the bone breaking and the sound of him falling to his knees yelling out in pain fills the silent room. Atsumu had broken his fathers arm, with no regret or remorse. The power within that he felt in that moment, proclaimed that he was finally stronger than his father.

“You can’t hurt me anymore you bastard.” He said, hearing the hurried footsteps of his mother and his siblings coming into the hallway, he quickly makes way to his bedroom. He packs his valuable assets into a bag, and clothes in another, before putting a jacket and a pair of shoes on. Sliding the door to his room shut, not looking back, he leaves the home.

... the wolf retaliates to the alpha, proving he is stronger, and instead of leading the pack, he wishes to leave. The alpha can’t stop him, and so he does not block the others path. The wolf leaves the pack, only his courage and strength taken with him.

**Author's Note:**

> ** thank you for reading!! **


End file.
